Actual quotes from members of the Something Awful forums

I'm only 5'6"... When I looked at the scale, my heart nearly exploded in my chest. I felt faint. I knew I had gained weight, and figured I was around 270 or so - after all, at 190, I wore XL shirts (I'm short, but all torso, so I had to wear them for the length) and I'd only gone up to 2XL (and 3XL in button-up, but I pretended that was because I liked them loose-fitting. The scale showed the ugly truth.

I weigh 349. Three hundred and forty-nine pounds.

I'm glad I bought the extra-strength scale.